Why I hate my boobs

I have big breasts.
But that's really stating the obvious.
Yes, they're real. No, you can't touch them. But ask me again once I'm drunk and I know you a little better. It's none of your business how they factor into my sex life. No, you can't see them, perfect stranger. My eyes are up here.
I don't know what I hate more - the constant attention from dudes, or the jealousy from the ladies.
Guys, I can deal with. They're singular-minded for the most part and who doesn't like a little male attention? Guys don't comment on my boobs (unless fuelled by alcohol). I realize if I wear something cleavage-barring in front of drunk men, I will get looks and comments.
It's the girls I can't stand.
When I was in Grade 7 this group of "mean girls" started a rumour that I had implants. (And I remember thinking, 'I'm 12! What reasonable doctor, in their right mind, would allow a 12-year-old to get a breast augmentation!')

I just don't understand why my breasts are a perfectly acceptable topic of conversation.
So I've been considering a breast reduction of my own. But for all the girls with the itty-bitty-titties, let me tell you why having big breasts sucks.
1. When guys express an interest, you're left wondering what his motives could be.
2. They don't make cute bras for large-busted women.
3. You'll never be able to buy a dress off the rack (but as a plus, my sewing and alteration skills have increased ten-fold.)
4. Back, neck and shoulder pain.
5. Can't wear anything with an empire waist.
6. Random girls will approach you, asking for your breasts (which is quite an impossible request)
7. People will ask if they're real (which starts to feel insulting)
8. Difficulty in dressing modestly when the occasion arises.
9. Larger boobs make your body look larger as a whole.
10. Gravity.