40, divorced....dating?

I am in a world of trouble with this article. I know, I know objective journalism. Just do your research and write it down. I always find it so hard to do that. I usually write about what I know or have experienced in some way. Some facet of my being can connect to the story or at least empathize with it.
I'm in denial. I will never be 40, let alone over 40. Are there numbers past 40? No, not that I know of.
It is a sign of my immaturity, a sign that I have not left behind the invincible attitude.
My parents are still married, I will be married, it will not end in divorce and therefore I will never have to date after 40.
What if? Things happen, people change, people cheat, lie, steal.....die.

Immaturity. I broke up with a partner who I lived with for a little more than a year. I thought we would be together forever. That sucked, and it took me a while to figure myself out and be alright with seeing someone seriously again. I'm trying, now, here to transpose that experience 20 years into the future. I see myself obsessing over sags and wrinkles with the same disapproving eyes as I do now. So the body image issues never change or go away. Thanks life. I'll be the cat lady...(my new girlfriend was shocked when I stopped to talk to my cat before opening the door to let her into my house). I doubt that will change. So, alright actually think, how would things change? I'm trying, and I still see the life I imagined at 12. Wife, car, house- white picket fence and all.
The heartbreak of finally gaining all of it, everything you've worked for and then having it ripped away because your unhappy with your partner. I see.
Back to square one, back to dreaming, back to sleeping alone, disappointing dates with silly women who can't hold a conversation. Yet still having the hope every time you turn on your computer. Yet still having to have a fulfilling life, still going out with friends, still happy, just...maybe not fully complete?
I think it get it. I think I can write this and do it some justice.

Victoria Gray